I’m vomiting my thoughts now -

Dear Soulie,

When I was young I dreamed about having an advice column. Yeah, that’s right 90’s baby in the house. If you’re not sure what that was it was essentially a way for people to email someone anonymously (or not) and the Columnists would offer advice on a public forum. I thought it was that was intriguing as a 10 year old. I believed myself to be oddly wise at that age. I was extremely shy but wanted to help the world in some way. I was obsessed with the feeling of others needing my guidance.

Now, I understand that, that was likely rooted from my need to be seen and valued. I was lacking a fulfilled feeling of love and understanding but I knew my gift of offering guidance allowed me to connect with others on a deep level. I retrospect I was so drawn to having my own advice column because it created enough thinking time, distance while still created a sense of value for myself and others.

In many ways, this still is a battle for me. I want to be seen so badly. I want to be valued for my wisdom … adored even for it. But I still struggle with with finding the perfect combination to equally serve other while still preserving energy for myself.

What I have accepted thought. Is that THIS is my journey. In this moment, I don’t need to have external validation from my students, prospects or those around me in order to tap into my worthiness. ANNNDDDD I still want it. I want to normalize things being crazy, messy and I want to express sometimes without others feeling this need to project their own needs

to be a savior and help me,

to be combative with my word,

to take my words and share them as their own,

or whatever the hellll you want to do is a reader.

What if there was another way to consume information. What if we chose today to practice experiencing art exactly as it is. For that one moment in time. To feel it fully and let it go.

Sometimes, there’s nothing else to do but to witness, to feel the full spectrum of your human reaction and then ultimately the purpose has been served.

Maybe that’s why we feel so drained. We feel like we need to DO something with what we consume -

find more of it

stuff it down

steal it

circulate it

ruminate on it

teach it

fix it

Or maybe today we can experience it and let it go with love.

everything’s temporary anyways.