Why is it so hard to be fully expressed?
Dear Soulie,
Michelle here. I feel really angry today and I’m deciding to channel that anger through blog post. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing even trying to start a blog or thinking my voice is even worth listening to (how dramatic). I feel like I have to get on here and express myself in this perfect way. But, today, I don’t give a fuck if I make sense or not. I don’t actually want to filter my thoughts, I don’t want to filter my emotions, I don’t want to have to be a teacher today.
Something that feels really alive for me right now is that I feel sad, angry, annoyed and lazy. There is a heaviness in my chest and lump in my through and the only thing I can think to do is to allow myself a stream of consciousness PUBLICALLY. If I believe so deeply in being fully expressed then here for we go. here I am … all I can do is hope that it will resonate with someone. If it does great if it doesn’t then at least I put myself out there enough claim that I was FULLY myself today.
Here’s the thing that I’m pondering…. if this moment of confusion and anger was a latent version of my that wanted to be seen. Does that mean the more "socially accepted” parts of my self that I typically display… fake?! NO.
God and no wonder people are so damn afraid to put themselves out there. The internet is such a magical place. Truly unregulated in many ways but as human being we simply don’t know how to even show up in that way. It’s as if we have a platform that everrryyyyoneeee is expected to use in the “perfect way” with actually having a vision of what the perfect way IS. WHY IS THAT?! because perfection doesn't exist.
All I know is that something feels really wrong about how much freedom is available to us while simultaneous we are subject, over and over again, to imprisonment of voice. This can be self-imposed and culturally influenced. Likely, BOTH are true. Some days I feel so free in my expression and body and others I feel restricted and suffocated. I wish I could tie this message in a bow and finalize it with a universal lesson we can all take away from but, I don’t want to. I rather display the discomfort I’m feeling.
Michelle
